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Ohhh mannn

Bad stuff has been happening in the fulls since the start of July, and I wonder if it's just all the trials and tribulations that I was supposed to have earlier in my life that just decided to happen now. I'm determined not to let it get me down--I want this month to be a good month, and I even reblogged a tumblr post about that zero negativity thing!!--so I'm doing my best.

Some parts of me need to be a bit street smarter. Take common sense, be a little bit of paranoid.

And on the plus side, I'm trying for tropebingo @ DW! I've always had kind of an interest in prompts/ideas like this, but I've found I'm awfully terrible at nanowrimos and bangs because I have deadlines or I don't work at all and what can I do.

The more I write, the more I think I should be practicing. Even when you have nothing, keep writing.

I've been staring at my Mongoshitfacedtabletwisters sequel fics for the longest time and it's been four years since. Four years. I poured my entire self into that fic but it feels like everything else isn't as strong as it could be, isn't as provoking. I've changed a lot since 2012 and I'm half-sad for it and half wondering where it takes me.

There's always a reason for everything.

I hope now there's a good reason for this, because I do want to take the initiative to change, to write more. Next year is gonna be super killer. I want it to be my last year and I'm filled up to the full with a lot of courses. I need to learn how to time management and relax and do everything.

I'll do my best, but for now, I hope July makes me the happiest yet.
Still alive! Essays due for this Friday and after that, I'm free! To explore the city, to work on stuff I've promised my best friend (I'm sure she doesn't believe I'll finish them at all since I've got an awful habit of just......forgetting in the end, but since I've got style recs, I should be good!).

Imo, if artists can use other artist's styles as influence then a writer can use another writer's writing/pacing/plotting as influence too. Y'know, that feeling after you read a really good book and you couldn't really put it down, and when you're finished you end up wanting to write something in that book voice?

Don't know if anyone actually keeps track of me here (some part of me still wants to change my username to easyongo but Nikanika told me it was probably better to keep it as was). I remember when I used to be mineconsolidate and then switched to epicionly, and that was when I was starting out. Also, I always hated trying to track authors across different fics if they changed the name. Not so fond of the (NICKNAME) OVERALL USERNAME format either, but what can you do.


I wish I could write more.

And in some way I feel like for someone who talks a lot of shit I don't do anything enough. I do write. I just...don't know how to see that through. I'm all excitements, all ideas but push comes to shove and I'm just not...interested.

Maybe I should give WIPs a try? I'm always more enthusiastic if I have someone else to be enthusiastic with. Self-interest can only take you so far. At the same time, I love postin all in one go because it means it's done. You don't have to wait. I feel like writing will speak for itself and you don't get into a pitfall of 'fuck it was so good why doesn't the writer write anymore'

Had a talk with a friend about this kind of mindset; you can have the best ideas in the world (which I think I do! I have a lot of fun ideas because I like to think I've sort of solved that sort of 'I'm bad at summaries' pitfall since I started off writing back in fanfiction.net as a kid. Thought the phrase R&R was cool shit haha. And i was like NO FLAMES even though I never got them really haha), but if you don't do anything with them, well.

That's true.

I think I should give some of my illustruous ideas for WIPing a try. I've the bad habit of starting so much but never finishing though (but I tell you, I always cheer up with a Kudos on a fic (i love ao3 for that) as well as a comment!). And I know I'm very good at buildup when I make myself pace it out (especially when I'm eager to lead the character into situations where EVENTUALLY SUCH AND SUCH WILL HAPPEN), when I have a set idea of What I Want. When I review something I always make a big deal about the pacing and the flow--and to me, that stuff is a big deal.

Usually I improv write a lot. I don't have a plan. I think they call that oranic writing, but honestly I wish I didn't write like this. I love structure but I'm loathed to follow it unless I mull on it throughout the day and think about it. When I was younger, I used to sit at the piano only to leap off and fire up the computer to type up my ideas. I was always a fountain of ideas. I used to call it my Inspiration.

I feel you should write fics you really want to write. That you feel muy passionate about. There's only a few fics I've published that I don't super like (ex. I don't like the idea of my super short pieces on AO3 because I feel like that's false advertising and it says I wrote more than I actually did), and even then I wrote The Doctrine of Your Crew and Mine because I overestimated myself and honestly just wanted a fic that had x x and y in the end. I'd definitely remix it if I could. I didn't certainly treat Spock's part with a lot of respect, it felt a little rushed in part three and such. Deadlines. I'm awful with them.

I tried joining a McKirk Bang back in February/March/April but honestly I had a lot of stuff to hand in and I couldn't balance my work with it and I hate that. I have to work on time management (which honestly isn't helping here as I'm word vomitting on LJ when I could be doing something else more productive, like, say, my essays).

It's hard to look at the overall of your fic and think yeah this is good, I think. Writers get so lost in their heads that to look back at a draft and see it for the first time is near impossible. At the same time, do people still get their stuff beta'd these days? I feel there is a less of that now. A lot of fanfiction is becoming less organized in some ways. Evolve further and further from book roots somewhat. It's more given in a raw first draft element, don't you think?

I discovered something called developmental editing style where someone reads your first draft and helps you develop it or points out flaws that you could work better, so that your story is more structured, cohesive, falls into sense and the typical Hero's Journey or whatever it is you want. Sandy probably covers that, probably but she's busy with her final exams, I think!

I feel like over the years I've just sort of become less outgoing and more kept to myself and I feel that my writing (introspection as it seems to be focused around, concentrating on sentiment, emotion, reaction) gets sort of hashed into that.

I can write a lot of great things but I honestly couldn't prove it to you. I can prove to you the Could Bes and Could Have Beens but honestly.

I need to stop being hot air and just write again.

I think a WIP would help, but which one y'know?

Hello from France!

So the thing is that it's been waaaay too long, and I kid myself not when I just say I'm pretty much in love with my own rambles. I've been told I don't give an impression that I think everything I have to say is important--like when you put it that way, obviously not. However, I sort of come from a realm where I have loads of different ways of talking/writing sometimes, and really, I can't be expected to keep a daily diary. This journal's as close as it gets.

So France! Here to study, exciting, exciting. Things aren't going too bad.

So plans to get done on fic are two in particular. One, is Momo's auction fic AU where Jim works his way up to the ranks of Captain. It's been so long and quite frankly it's probably almost going to be SUPER LONG LIKE MOMO HAS WAITED FOREVER AND she's a gem. I'm just a super slow writer. I really need to hurry up. I used to be like the enviable youths who could upload once a day. That was amazing. People who can do that and keep quality and knowledge and understanding of where they want their story to go are amazing.

I haven't read in a while so I guess I could say that's impacted a lot about how fanfiction is now the majority of my influence on how I write fanfiction, but I remember when I was younger and words and action would just flow. I've been told my writing style has gotten better; less wordy ramble, more concise and precise over the years, even if my vocabulary has suffered for it.

I also, fun fact, used to use Word Web a lot to retain my new words; I love offline dictionaries. What I don't love is that when I need to format a laptop for some reason or another is that I lose them. I've lost at least 3 good heaping lists of offline dictionaries, which is why I'm so thrilled I found vocabulary.com. Mm what a delicious website! You can make lists, the definitions provide layman's terms, they also provide examples of it used in sentences, and you can test yourself/teach yourself/learn the words in different games, and I think that's brilliant.

Anyway, wowee, the Momo fic, and the second one is the Mongoshitfacedtabletwisters. I talk a lot of shit for someone who won't even upload, but I've so just wrapped up in the idea that it has to be perfect that I think I've forgotten to have fun with it--the stuff I initially set out to do with it. I'm really glad the me from 2012 left behind a lot of notes about where I wanted the story to go in the sequel, and it's really not a series I want to drop. Like definitely for sure I want to continue it one day, but it's very likely all the fun spontaneity of my youth and the fun times talking back and forth are gonna be harder to write. I had this precise image of what Jim was like; so I hope really I don't lose aspects of it.

Man, honestly, when you grow up, you lose so much and I think that's a pity. You also gain some, but sometimes, I wear rose-coloured spectacles.

There was Call It West which was meant to fill in the space between Mongo and the sequel, but I didn't like how short it was, or how it was written, even with Momo's help. I've uncovered also a document called Intermissions of the Brotherly Kind (oh, these titles lmfao). Can't recall it if went between Call It West and the sequel fic, but I do recall it had an arc all on its own that I found odd to have in the sequel fic because honestly the sequel fic starts off with Jim and Spock getting along well, and not an entire bucketload of Sam sentiment that...I coudn't figure out whether or not it belonged in Call It West or the sequel.

Anyway, no seriously, I came up with the best summary for Momo's fic:

"Cadet Kirk's performance during the Nero incident has proven his capacity to not only completely disregard orders, but showcase his hubristic willingness to break regulation without consideration for any consequences.

Final Decision: Would not recommend placement on the Enterprise."

Now tell me, is that not gold, or is that not gold? yOU WANNA READ IT AND SO DO I WANNAWRITE IT. IT'S LIKE HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT IT'S A CONSEQUENCES FIC IT'S AN ALTERNATE REALITY HOW IS THIS GONNA HAPPEN. I love those fics the most, but I'm always so picky about how they're written. The ones that do really make it into my Fics Forever history, and I guess you really want to write the kind of stuff you have fun with. Hubristic is kind of mouthful though, but the entire point of the story is that Jim is a bit....like Icarus of the Greek myths. Overconfident, prideful, and it leads to that downfall. I don't doubt Jim would find a way to bounce back though....maybe after the shock wore off.

I wish I could do the fun kinds of fics sometimes too. I think in a sense Mongoshitfacedtabletwisters fulfilled that. Also, man, Kingsman. I had so many ideas with Syph about that but the flame kind of died out. I still want to sort of add some stuff to it, but I really....it blew hard and then it sort of whoomfed out. I have some stuff for it I don't mind publishing because I wrote them all when I was excited, but I don't think I'll be saving new documents anytime soon (which huh...).

Also, the technical "okay, but what is the story really about" summary is thus too:

2009 movie AU where Jim works his way up the ranks, as he should have. However, with the five year mission drawing near and his own personal record under scrutiny, Jim is running out of time. If he can't guarantee his own placement on the very starship he's barred from, the Enterprise and her crew will leave--with, or without him.

Any suggestions which you like better? I'm preferring to go with the one that sounds like it came from a report, but this one establishes the who, what, why, and when--the constraints--which i always do love. However, honestly, this fic is an Enterprise crew fic more than all, so the nonrush of the first summary allows that sort of feeling. What think you?

Reflections

If you read this, you're going to be privy to a lot of my personal mindset. In a sense, it's one of the most personal things I've posted so far on this journal, because I feel like if you read it, you're going to see a lot of how I think. And isn't that petrifying, in some sense? Of course, it's not....too private? It's just a lot of words and opinions I generally don't feel comfortable sharing. I'm more of a private person myself.

At some point, if you read this, you'll go, "What on earth, you switched your point entirely". I think I do that so I don't....stick to a certain idea too long. Which sucks.Collapse )

Realism and the Historical Fiction

One thing I've always been sort of learning (and yearning and wanting) to regain is my ability to write realism. In the 2010-2013/2014(?)-ish era, I distinctly tailored my style to wean off exagerrations and a bit more believable actions, because a friend of mine preferred realism, and of course, I definitely wanted to shove things at her that she liked. At the same time, I feel like this is where I'm at an impasse.

I lack realism, in the strictest sense of the word. I think that fanfic pulls it away from us, in any sense. Words become our medium, so it's all based off imagination and impression--fanfic vs original; hence the entire reason why whenever fanfic comes around, characters will generally become 'fanfic versions' of themselves, in a sense. In AUs (I'm talking the ones strictest away from canon, ex. coffee shop au, etc instead of 'what if X happened instead of X', we tend to lose sight of who they are and the circumstances that create them, because in AUs, you retain bits of who you recognize that they are. There's a flaw in AUs in which we change around dynamics and lose a lot of canon basis, and as a result as much as it's fun, we enter this zone opposite of the realism. This change is particularly noticable in series based off realism (ex. TV I guess? I feel like TV shows with Real Life holds a lotmore solidity than the Fantasy genres, but anyway).

Am I making sense? I feel like I'm confusing myself. But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I think that with how we've modernized HOW fanfic is written (when Harry Potter was the big thing, there wasn't really a big difference between how fanfics were written stylistically versus today, which boasts a primary style of 3rd person present as opposed to past--and also how we tend to skim on the showing and development and moving faster (does that make sense?)) we have forgotten how to return back to roots--or at least, I have, for sure.

I lack realism in my writing. I'm writing something based historically in a post-WW2, and I can't paint the picture. I can't establish the setting, the feeling of real people, like how you'd see sometimes in historical movies. And this is saddening, I guess. I know how to establish the situation. I just don't--I need to be grounded. And that's hard, I guess. When you've written a lot of fanfiction and you're used to a certain establishment of liberty with how things can be written. How you don't need to paint pictures, everyone's just focused on the characters.

But I want to write realism. Realism as defined by this page, especially by the characteristics it lists:

  • Faithful representation of life

  • Concentrating on middle-class life and preoccupations

  • Scenes of humble life

  • Criticism of social conditions

  • Characters are in centre of interest as opposed to a plot

  • Subjects portrayed with simplicity and respect but little elaboration

  • Honest, matter-of-fact style

  • Objects or figures are represented impartially and objectively

That's so compelling. That's gorgeous. I want that, but I don't know where to start with writing like that, in an honest matter-of-fact style, if doing everything like that.

The story's about a 42-year-old British man (Dan). WW2 has ended, and the Russian POW (Ivan) who has been working on his farm is set to be returned back to the Soviet Union as per the agreement Churchill made with Stalin. There were anti-Communist Russians fighting alongside the Germans in WW2 for a whole chunk of reasons, and Ivan had served his own time in some Russian prisoner camps himself. The story's about...a small moment of happiness they both share together. That just--connection with each other. And then it ends with realism. The realism that there isn't really happy or sad endings in life. There are just endings. You meet, you both become something to each other for the while (or maybe it's only that case for one? and for the other person, you're just someone they've met that they'll forget when they go, or maybe think of you out of nowhere years later and wonder what could've been or wonder why), and things never become something out of that.

This story begins and ends and lives with realism. And that is the tragedy in its roots.

I don't really believe in romance being for everywhere. I believe 'romance' in the sense that it usually employed and used reflects more about the kissing and the affection and the togetherness of being in love. But in this sense, in this story I want to tell, I don't want to tell a romance. I want to tell...compelling? That feeling when you meet someone, and you know they're incredible. Like that subtle feeling. The trope is Manic Dream Pixie Girl I think, but like--subtled a bit? They're that someone who changes your life, yes. But it's just. If you don't connect with them, it'll be a missed connection you wish you'd done so.

Does that make sense? I'm not sure if it does.

I just...I want to so bad. But can I even know how to start? How do I? I've started over and over again, and scrapped so much. It's hard. It's really hard.

feel out of my skiiinnn

Unmotivated. Feeling distinctly self-loathing. Also want to restart myself from point zero. Ever get that feeling?

Yeah. We'll see how long that lasts, because I kind of want to get in good grip to write.

Fun fact: Now and again, whenever I remember to log in on LJ, I like to update. I think it has something to do with the fact that I like reading other people's journals/blogs when I chance upon them, and I like to check up on their most recent ones. I think I've mentioned this before, but I always feel like it's...kind of sad when they don't update anymore.

Reminder of life! Reminder I'm alive and that I haven't abandonned the internet! (I'm going to cry so hard when Tumblr gets deleted because I have too many thoughts and memories and lots of writing and meta stored there. Someone needs to figure out how to back them up...)

I hail from a life where every stage of mine growing up I had an entirely different online identity. With that being said, y/n on changing AO3 username to easyongo. That was my tumblr's original url, but I've since changed it to match Syph's.

update + friday excitement

SO I'm unnaturally pumped for Friday. Gonna get to see Syph in person (we were going to go last Tuesday, but she had a uni tour, and I had class, so pfft), and we're gonna watch the Kingsman movie. I'm a little miffed she got to watch earlier, but that's alright. She's got brilliant ideas, we're gonna take over the world--it's awesome. We've already got a title for either the series or a fic: Enterprising Young Aces. I made it as a pun on Enterprising Young Men from the Star Trek soundtrack as a shout-out to our We Ain't Interested In Yer Genitals Solidarity club, but I actually really am fond of it.

On the other hand, I have no idea what is going on with me. My brain's in full vacation fic mode--or at least, it's been for a while. Syph and I spent at least a good 4-5 hours yesterday talking and catching up. I managed to finish So the Sun Rises Over Seleya. I began writing it probably close to a few days or the same day (I don't remember), when I found out Leonard Nimoy passed. I was in class that Friday. I felt so emotionally stoned to death, and I couldn't think over it. I'm so glad for William Shatner and the rest of the cast and Leonard Nimoy's family saying that we should celebrate his life. It helped. It took a while to write it out too--I had like six drafts, and I couldn't understand why I wasn't satisfied, what wasn't passing. Syph helped me go through it. She's a beaut.

It originally started off with T'Cyph going through the motions of the ceremony, and everyone sharing what it was that they thought, and her just--basically she would speak my thoughts? She was an outsider to all of this and the like. But Syph commented on how a lot of it was focused on her as opposed to Spock Prime as was my original intention, so I ended up trying to figure it out. It changed a lot to just a Vulcan kid speaking "I grieve with thee" to Bones and Jim--helping Jim and he in turn her, when it came to how we should view Leonard Nimoy's passing. This fic was something I really wanted out there, from me. I've had letters I've wanted to send lingering in my documents folders, and I didn't want this with his. Thank you, Leonard Nimoy, for what you've influenced and inspired in all of us.

As for fic: still need to work on Momo's, and I've been scrapping so many versions it's ridiculous. Earlier versions had the implication everyone was going back to school (lol), but then I realized Nero killed a lot of their starships. I realize that to be honest, they wouldn't send everything--there's bound to be other ships on patrol, some even on their own short-term less-than-5 year missions out there. I realized also it'd be a bit impractical because these guys were on THEIR WAY to serving on actual starships, which is why they got sent out in the first place (aka already graduating).

The original prompt of Momo's was a gen fic in which we would see Jim work his way up from cadet to Captain like he was supposed to. I figured it would mean rank after rank after rank, but in all honesty, after hunting through Memory Alpha, and Jim being in Advanced Tactics (thatta boy), he would have started his Starfleet career as a Lieutenant, two ranks higher than Chekov, who is Ensign, but who was so brilliant and scored so well they put him him on the Enterprise. I realized there was a problem with that: promotions don't come in, and there's gonna be no conflict. But I've got a plan--not gonna tell, though. Jim's gonna be so livid about it.

Also, what on earth is Starfleet situation post-Nero? Everyone in fandom makes it a big deal and stuff and it comes through in Star Trek Into Darkness, but like...what if Starfleet kept it a secret? Here's like a section I wanted to use in the beginning, but--BUT. That's the thing. The story's not about a what-if Starfleet doesn't make Nero a big thing (i mean, he was only terrorizing ONE of the Federation planets and destroyed it, but not the entire universe? They probably in the AOS-verse send a Starfleet specops team to either kill him to prevent it from happening again, or I have no idea.). No idea if I'll keep it in the end product, but still:

BoopCollapse )

boop. I'm out.

THOUGHTS

Over Christmas, I had a good opportunity to rewatch Star Trek into Darkness, and I had so many questions (I tried to rewatch it slowly one more time but I ended going back and forth in the first ten minutes of the movie for a good half-hour scribbling away thoughts and questions and commentaries i should be a commentary reel).

I also finished reading Diane Carey's Best Destiny and it is so, so good. So, so good. Really helped clear a lot of air on what kinds of things Jim's like--like I was always kind of iffy in terms of my Mongoshitfacedtabletwisters headcanon of a young Jim. I tend to figure that, even if kids are all good at heart, they kind of get into trouble, or they can be brats or mean or just in your face and obnoxious, and growing up is a fact of life that comes acquainted with a lot of hurt feelings, a lot of real life issues, etc.

I feel like that fic is all everything about me lecturing about growing up haha and that I've repeated my intentions with it in like five million different ways. I'm still really glad people like it. I really like it. I miss it. I also miss being able to write pages on pages really easily. Slow writer, ugh.

Anyway, Best Destiny is so good.

Also there was a part in it--I'd type it up, but I'm sincerely too lazy, but there was a section in which it mentioned that even though Spock would've been a more stable, etc captain, he just wouldn't. Some people just didn't want it.

AND THAT MADE ME GO !!!!!!!!!!!! Because the AO3 fic for Momo was about a Spock is Captain not Jim post-2009 movie AU, and Jim working his way back up into the ranks. And then it's like, if Spock doesn't want it in the canon, why would he want it in the AU? And I was thinking a whole lot of stuff: external factors (ex. destruction of Vulcan, near extinction of his people, a more human-focused half-Vulcan, etc). It's interesting too because AOS Spock is actually really different from TOS Spock in a lot of ways.

Anyway, just thoughts. 

PRogress report!

Working now on Momo's AO3 fic. Finally! I've already had a bit (2k?) written from before. I think I took inspiration from the Graduate Vulcan for Fun and Profit fic. Man, I did like that tone! The research on that thing was phenomenal. Where did the information about the pre-reform versus modern vulcan language come from? I wanna know!

I'm kind of laughing though. God. I've only really got three povs so far: Jim's, which is first; Spock's, which takes place earlier on in the fic; and Pike's which should be among the last. Team Done With Jim Kirk's Shit is my jam. But there's this really nice like (there are two jokes which i can't wait to use for Uhura and Kirk's conversation--also can't wait to sort of highlight like that big difference I saw from the 2009 and 2013 films of their relationship).

I love team fics. I'm gonna have a good time with this one. I also need to rewatch 2009 to get back my fresh writer feelings (this fic is an AU and I am so in love), but I can tell this is going to be a fun ride.

Also, hooray for entertaining povs!

Update!JiJim

Haven't posted in the longest time. Makes me feel kind of awkward about that; sorry. I absolutely have no idea if anyone reads my livejournal entries, but I find that even if it's probably not now, someone will definitely come check one day (that was me with checking out blogspots or blogs for whatever reason and then getting super sad they didn't keep updating). So, still here. Finished summer class and I am a special exception in my program because I didn't have the required amount of credits but the head of the French Studies department was so kind to help me out, and get me into also a morning class;;; (I tell you, I will definitely want to absolutely get an A average next year, because the year after, I want to go to Quebec on an exchange! My best friend lives there and it'd really be heaven on earth to see her everyday or close to, even if she's not into Star Trek.)

So A Renaissance of Human Emotion is done, which, hooray! I'm still in the betaing stages with Momo (I am honestly quite frankly so lucky to have her and her support) AND THERE MIGHT BE A SMALL REWRITE OF A PARTICULAR SCENE (but it is probably gonna be minimal or whateve rit turns out to be so I wouldn't worry), and IIIIII STILL REALIZE god that a lot of people have been waiting on Mongoshitfacedtabletwisters verse.

I've been waiting on it, too, to be fairly honest. I also want to finish rewriting my draft of Call It West. It takes place like in an unknown specific amount of time between Mongoshitfacedtabletwisters and its sequel (which got drafted like in the post-fic writing high of writing Mongoshitfacedtabletwisters, so you know it's still good) and is basically about Jim's dealing primarily with Sam leaving in a more personal kind of light (which I'm kind of worried about because my writing style and focus have both changed a lot so I'm worried it might not be the same tone you'd get from reading MSFTT (my friend and I decided to shorten it it is probably the best idea yet)).

I'm honestly struggling whether or not I want to sort of make Call It West just a standalone kind of insight piece or just use that as a transition one for real (to reveal what happened in between the time, the actual events before I reach the sequel (who document-wise is called Post). Is this fic about Sam and Jim, or is it about Jim and the effects of Sam's disappearance in his life?

I want a more human, lonely element to it, is all. The one that says, Nobody gets me the way I want to be understood. I think it's really sad when people who we loved for so long and were so close to move on. It's also really hard, y'know, to just think to yourself, ohyeah? FINE. I didn't need you anyway. We're all really used to really fond memories. We like happy ones. I think Jim does too, but things are always a little harder post it happening. Cause--you end up thinking, right? About the what-ifs. About the good times. About if you had done this instead of this--and I don't think that Jim doesn't live one day thinking that if he hadn't gone to Spock Prime, he might've been able to go with Sam. And maybe that would've been better than here.

I really like connections.

Hrmm i feel like whatever media I've absorbed recently has bled into my writing